The World Of Vicodin
by Sleep Vitamin
Summary: A drabble series, in which the poor Kazekage is suffering from a tooth infection and prescribed to take Vicodin, and the many small adventures he takes while drugged up.
1. Hospital

**Okay, so I got this idea while I was sitting in a hospital emergency room lobby with my dad when my little brother had to be taken in for a tooth infection that had been causing him pain for three days straight. Something about a crown on his tooth being loose or something. I don't know.**

**Anyway, the title credit goes to the nurse my brother had, who had told him that when he told her how he felt. I thought it would be funny to put Gaara in place of my brother. Enjoy!**

OOO

"So it is an infection?"

"That's what the nurse said. Lord Kazekage, how do you feel?"

The droopy-eyed redhead sat relaxed in an examination chair, a blood pressure band around his upper arm. The monitor beside him changed numbers every three seconds.

Before replying, the young man licked his upper lip. "Mm, weird," he replied, tilting his head in the direction of the wondering Shinobi. "Kankuro, don't play with that. You're making me nervous."

Kankuro, who was playing with a cotton ball, gently placed it back on the counter, as not to make his younger brother even more nervous. Gaara was acting strangely, and the medication hadn't even fully kicked in yet. It was definitely going to be a long night.

"Does it still hurt?" Kankuro asked. Gaara was focused on the small TV hanging on the wall in front of him. It was some sort of drama, in which a man had gotten slapped by his wife or girlfriend or something. He stifled a laugh.

The Shinobi sighed and shook his head. "I wouldn't waste your time. He's out of it."

"Hey, you guys," Gaara whispered, looking at the other two men in the room with him. "I like this song."

They grew quiet, listening for any music. A mellow tune played throughout the hallways of the hospital and Gaara moved his upper body side to side slowly to it.

"Do you guys like it?"

Kankuro ran his hand over his face and stood up, moving to the doorway. "Where the hell is Temari?" he whispered to himself.

Minutes of silence passed and Gaara sighed heavily and overdramatically. The men glanced at him to see the Kazekage leaned back in the chair, his legs spread and hanging over the end, and his arms resting on the top of his head.

"When can I go home?" he asked quietly. "I'm tired and my damn tooth hurts."

"Whenever the nurse comes back in and tells us what we need to do for the infection to go away."

"Are you serious?"

"Yes, Lord Kazekage."

Gaara groaned loudly in annoyance and pain. He hated the hospital and everything about it. There was nothing to keep his medicated mind busy, except for a TV that was showing commercials about diapers. The smell of the place reminded him of old people. The entire building became his own personal hell.

"I don't ever want to come here again," he slurred, trying to push authority into his voice. "If I get sick, keep me at home. If I'm dying, just drop me off in the middle of the desert and leave me to my fate."

The Shinobi smiled and patted Gaara's leg, which twitched radically. "Well, what if Nanao ever gets pregnant and she has the baby here? The father _has_ to be here for the baby's birth."

Gaara's head lolled to the side and he almost smiled at the feel of his hair tickling the top of his ear. He leaned forward, his face only an inch or two away from the other man's. "Nanao can't get pregnant, _stupid._ She's on birth control."

"You never know."

"I do know."

"Really? Do you?"

"Yes, I do."

"What the hell is going on here?" a female's voice questioned.

"Temari! Finally!" Kankuro said in relief. Temari smiled at her brothers and Nanao, the Kazekage's girlfriend of six months, skipped over to the side of the chair. She ran her hands through Gaara's hair the way he liked and kissed his forehead.

"How are you feeling? Does it still hurt?" she asked as he snaked his arms around her waist. He was being unusually cuddly.

"A little bit," he replied and rubbed his cheek on her stomach. He snapped his fingers to get the Shinobi's attention, and once he had, he patted where his cheek had been. "See this? See this stomach? There will never be a baby in the oven."

Nanao only forced a smile and smoothed her hand over the top of Gaara's head. "I think you mean a baby in the _tummy_."

He looked up at her innocently. "No, I mean what I say and say what I mean. Baby in the _oven._"

Temari and Kankuro began to talk quietly near the door. "The nurse said we'd probably have to give him more medication and he won't be able to do much for the next couple days," he told her.

"More medication?" she repeated. "God, if we keep giving him more, he's going to become an addict. How much did she give him?"

"From what I saw, not that much."

They both looked in the direction of their brother, who was giving all his attention to Nanao. He refused to release her waist, so all she could do was play with his hair. Slowly, Kankuro noticed, Gaara's hands dropped closer to her butt, until…

"Squeeze."

"_Gaara!_ We're in public!"

Kankuro smiled to himself. Yes, it did run in the family. Yes, indeed.

Gaara's eyes settled on a jar filled with wooden sticks. Of course, he could have gotten the sticks himself with the sand, but there was no fun in that. He sighed and leaned his head on Nanao's breasts.

"Nanao, will you get me one of those?"

"Um, sure."

Once a stick was in his hand, he looked at it curiously. Temari watched him. "The doctor uses those to push down his patient's tongues to look at their throats."

Gaara opened his mouth and slowly put the stick in. Kankuro laughed at the retching noise. "Nice, Gaara," Nanao scolded at the alarmed man, who had nearly thrown the stick across the room. "Just puke up the medications!"

"Stupid gag reflex," Gaara mumbled.

OOO

"All right, Lord Kazekage, how are you feeling?" the nurse asked, walking in with a clipboard and a pen. Gaara was nearly gone, his eyelids drooped and his limbs didn't move.

"Sexy."

She cracked a smile. "Welcome to the World of Vicodin," she told him before turning to Temari. "All right. We're going to give you a prescription for more Vicodin, which he needs to take every six hours with food. Use it until the bottle is completely gone, even if the infection gets better. Also, he needs to get into the dentist within the next four to five days."

"I've already made an appointment for him for Friday."

"Well, that works then."

Gaara grimaced at the dreaded D-word. He hated the dentist almost as much as the hospital. "I'm not letting anyone in my mouth," he said stubbornly.

Nanao rolled her eyes. "Unless you want to be in pain again, you are letting someone in your mouth."

The nurse wrote on a piece of paper and handed it to Temari. "Okay, Lord Kazekage, I gave you the Vicodin at eleven, so you'll have to take it at five in the morning."

Loud groaning. Of course.

"I hope you feel better."

Everyone stood up, except for Gaara. He looked at his legs, then at Kankuro. "Kankuro, I can't feel my legs." He extended his arms out. "Carry me?"

OOO

"Gaara, are you eating chocolate with the Vicodin?"

"Yeah."

"This is why we had this problem in the first place!"


	2. Movie

**Hello again, and welcome to another installment of The World of Vicodin! This chapter was thought up the day after my brother got home from the hospital, still drugged up on Vicodin. **

**My dad and I were watching Kiki's Delivery Service while my brother went in and out of consciousness on the couch. Now Gaara shall suffer the same fate. Please, enjoy!**

OOO

Nanao had been tending to him all day, getting everything he needed when he was conscious and making sure he slept comfortably on the couch. In secret, she and Kankuro would joke about Lord Kazekage's face.

"He looks like half a fat man," Kankuro whispered as Nanao put the disc into the DVD player. She forced her laugh to stay inside her mouth; Gaara was only a few feet away.

Even thought it was true, Nanao couldn't poke fun at her suffering boyfriend, who couldn't stay awake for more than an hour at a time thanks to the Vicodin. His left cheek and jaw were swollen, so he really did look like a fat man on one side of his face.

"Gaara, you really shouldn't be up and walking around, especially in your boxers," Kankuro noted. Nanao turned to look at the almost naked boy. He was walking around the large living room, not completely sure where he was going. That's how he had been ever since the night before in the hospital.

"I don't care," he mumbled, wincing at the slight pain talking caused him. "I really have to pee."

"Okay, well, you're going the wrong way." Kankuro sighed and placed a hand on his brother's back. "The bathroom is this way. Nanao, don't start the movie yet."

"Kankuro, your hand is a tit nipply." Both boys laughed at the perverted joke. Nanao just rolled her eyes.

OOO

"Nanao, we'll be back. We're going to get something at the store to make the swelling go down," Temari told the poor girl before leaving with Kankuro.

Sighing, Nanao turned to Gaara, who was sitting at the kitchen table. His arms were folded on the top of it with his forehead resting on his arms. A soft snore came from the boy who refused to put clothes on.

"Sometimes I wish you still couldn't sleep," she whispered and opened the nearby cabinet. She reached for the bottle of Vicodin, mentally pondering on taking one herself, and popped it open. She shook the opening onto her palm, making two pills fall onto her skin. She put one back in.

Gently, she placed a hand on his warm back, hoping that was enough to wake him up. Of course, it wasn't. He didn't even move.

"Gaara, you need to take another pill," she told him, pushing his body. A change in his breathing occurred, but he didn't wake up. Rolling her eyes once again, she placed the pill on the table and tenderly grabbed at his sides, a place where she knew he was ticklish.

Gaara's head flew up from his arms, smacking Nanao in her mouth. She fell to the floor with a loud thumping noise and held her split lip with her hand.

"_Gaara!_"

He rubbed his eyes and looked at the table. "Ew. I drooled. Nanao, why are you on the ground?" he asked, wiping his "mouth juices" off the table with a wash cloth.

"You bashed your head into my face!"

"I did?"

"Just take your damn Vicodin."

OOO

"What the hell happened to you?" Kankuro asked with a suppressed smile when he and Temari arrived home. Nanao's lip was nearly as swollen as the side of Gaara's face.

"Gaara head butted me," she replied, glaring at Sleeping Beauty on the couch.

"That's true love right there."

"Oh, totally."

Temari emerged from the kitchen with a tube of clear gel. After squeezing a little onto her pointer finger, she rubbed it on her baby brother's cheek, avoiding the river of drool.

Kankuro plopped himself onto a recliner and tossed the TV remote up into the air, waited for it to spin, then caught it again in his palm. "Nanao, are you ready for cute little witches?"

Nanao sat near Gaara's head and twirled his hair around her fingers. "Of course. We might have to turn up the TV, though. He's snoring pretty loudly."

"Right."

OOO

Throughout the movie, Gaara kept waking up and cuddling closer to Nanao until his head was directly in her lap, his face right on her crotch. She didn't notice; the movie was taking her full attention.

However, Kankuro did notice his brother's actions. Without Nanao realizing it, Kankuro smiled to himself, admiring his work. After all, he was the one who introduced the two in the beginning. He was also the one who turned his brother into a pervert. Oh, was he proud.

"That movie was so adorable!" Nanao announced once the movie was over. Gaara, mouth opened wide and, of course, a river of drool coming from it, opened his eyes and rolled over, leaving her pants damp.

"Nanao," he mumbled, looking up at her. "Did she fly again?"

She smiled at his innocent question. "Yeah, she did."

"And…did the cat talk to her again?"

"Yeah."

"Good. I was so worried. Oh, and by the way, your face looks horrible. What did you do?"

"_Get the hell off me, half-fatty face!_"


	3. Revenge

**Hi, everybody! I'm sorry this last chapter took so long to publish. I think karma came back to me, using my brother's pain for my stories. I had the exact same infection he had, so I had to go through the same pain and drugs. Our stupid ex-dentist needs to learn how to clean bacteria out of route canals.**

**Well, like I mentioned before, this is the last chapter and it probably won't be very long, so I hope you enjoy it!**

OOO

"Hold her hair back! Nanao, are you almost done?" Temari was frantic. Nanao almost never became sick, but since Gaara's infection popped up, she had been lazy and throwing up every day.

With her head in the toilet and Kankuro's hands holding her hair away from her face, Nanao lifted her hand to give a thumbs-up sign to Temari. However, that thumbs-up quickly turned to a thumbs-down when another retching noise came from her throat and more stomach acid came up. Kankuro closed his eyes and turned his head to the side, fighting the urge to throw up himself.

"Gaara really needs to get home."

OOO

"How was the dentist, Gaara?" Nanao asked as soon as the Kazekage walked through the door. A boastful smirk was planted on her face.

The loyal Shinobi who had escorted him home handed him a tissue, which Gaara quickly grabbed and wiped the drool coming from his mouth. His reply was some kind of mumble, due to the numb feeling on his mouth. All he wanted to do was sleep, but his girlfriend had other ideas in mind.

"Here, _love,_" Nanao said, gripping the apple she had in her hand. She outstretched her hand toward him. "Eat this. I know you're hungry."

Gaara glared daggers at her. He knew it was revenge busting her lip with his head and then making fun of her. He took a step away when she advanced toward him.

"Eat it," she repeated in monotone. The Shinobi quickly moved away from the two, fearing for his physical health.

Nanao carefully lunged toward Gaara, only to be caught by a barrier of sand. She let out a loud battle cry and punched it with her free hand. Being extremely gentle, Gaara wrapped the sand around her body and lifted her from the ground.

"You know, Gaara, you're so lucky I haven't left you yet," she told him. Knowing she was bluffing, Gaara rolled his eyes and continued to his room, releasing her once his door was shut and locked.

OOO

"So, what all did they do at the dentist?" Temari asked her baby brother later that day. The numbing had gone away and he could talk normally again without slurring his words together.

Gaara shrugged, chewing a piece of bread slowly. "Drilled into my tooth and sucked out the infection. I have to go back in a month. Oh, and the hospital is going to mail the bill to us."

They were quiet for a long while. As Temari contemplated her words, Gaara was focused on his sickly girlfriend, who was sleeping soundly in the bedroom. The entire house was dead silent and it annoyed the both of them. When was Kankuro coming home? He had said he was going to buy some things at the store, but that was three hours ago.

"What all did I do while I was drugged up?" Gaara questioned to break the silence. Temari fought hard to keep a straight expression on her face.

"You felt Nanao up that first night at the hospital, you drooled on her crotch, you forgot where the bathroom was, you refused to put on clothes, and you busted Nanao's lip open. Oh, and then you made fun of her."

He sighed and placed his forehead on his palms. "She's going to leave me," he concluded. Temari stood up from her chair and picked Gaara's plate up.

"Why would she do that?"

"Why wouldn't she? She has good reasons to. Also, I made fun of her on purpose. Her face looked funny and I couldn't help it."

Temari smiled and dried her hands after the plate was cleaned off. As she walked past him, she patted him on the back. "She loves you. I honestly don't think you have anything to worry about."

OOO

Nanao paced the floor in the living room. It was three in the morning. Where was Kankuro? He should've been back hours ago.

She whined and crossed her legs over each other, eyeing the two empty two-liter bottles of water she had drank. Butterflies of excitement filled her stomach as the door opened. Kankuro quickly walked in and thrust a plastic bag into her hands.

"Sorry that took so long," he whispered, running his fingers through his overly messy hair. "I, uh…stopped by a friend's house."

"Kankuro, I don't need to hear about your sexual adventures. Come on. We need to do this before he wakes up and I really need to pee."

While Nanao was locked in the bathroom, Kankuro waited impatiently outside the door. He was just as nervous as she was. He couldn't sit still, and when the door opened, they both hovered their heads over the piece of plastic in her hand.

A smile flashed on their faces at the result.

OOO

"Is that the hospital bill?" Kankuro asked Gaara, looking at the white envelope. Gaara nodded and slid his thumb in the slit, sliding it over until the paper was opened.

"They lied to me!" he yelled. His eyes were glued to the large amount of money that needed to be paid. "They said I would get a discount!"

"Gaara, you were drugged up on Vicodin and nobody wanted to tell you how much you would end up paying. There is no discount for being a Kazekage," his brother said bluntly.

"Good morning!" Nanao exclaimed happily as she skipped into the kitchen. Both boys stared at her, one with a pleased grin on his face. The other looked as if he was going to rip someone apart and enjoy the screams as he did it.

Seeing her partner's upset expression, she wrapped her arms around his neck from behind and kissed the top of his head. It was something she wasn't able to do unless he was sitting down, so she did it whenever she got the chance.

"Oh, costy," she mumbled, looking over the bill.

"You won't be able to get clothes for a while, Nanao," Kankuro said, leaning back in the opposite chair and locking his fingers behind his head. "Won't be able to buy a lot of things for a while."

Gaara sighed and closed his eyes. "Well, it needs to be paid, I suppose."

Nanao smiled and kissed his neck, which confused him. He knew she was angry with him, but she was being very affectionate. "I'm so proud of you, Gaara. You're very mature."

"Nanao, are you okay?"

"I'm perfectly fine. I'm just glad to know that my boyfriend can deal with anything thrown at him. You know what I mean?"

"Yes?"

She laughed and kissed the top of his head again, backing away and heading for the hallway. After a loud yawn, and looked back at him and put on a serious face.

"Oh, and guess what?"

"What?"

"There's a baby in the oven."


End file.
